Alone Without Love
by altarenelcielo
Summary: A hard moment in Oz's life forces him to run to the only thing that makes sense in his life, music.


Title:  Alone Without Love  
  
Author: Mana - Anislayerx@aol.com  
  
Summary:  A hard moment in Oz's life forces him to run to the only thing that makes sense in his life, music.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Feedback:  Feedback is very appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer:  Oz and Devon belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.  And his parents unfortunately kinda belong to me.  
  
Dedication:  to Oz, and myself  
  
Distribution:  OZMIA, go ahead.  Anyone else, ask first.    
  
*This story is based on my personal life, and some events that happened Tuesday, that made me come up with this idea.  I've finally felt good enough to sit down and write it, so here I am.  I figured I'd better write it now, before I change my mind.  Feedback is appreciated.  Oh, and this story has to do with abuse, so if the subject matter upsets you, you probably shouldn't read it.*  
  
   
  
1994-1995  
  
Oz's Freshman Year  
  
Day Before Last Day of School  
  
"Oz!  Hey, Oz!  Wait up!"  Oz turned around from walking home, and was surprised to see Devon.  "I wanted to talk to you about an idea I came up with today."  
  
"Devon, if it's anything like what I think it is, I'm not doing it."  
  
"I was thinking of starting a band.  I could sing, you could play your guitar.  What do you think?  Are you in?"  
  
Oz nodded.  "Let me think about it some more, but I think I'm in."  
  
Devon smiled.  "Great."  
  
******  
  
"So, Mom.  I'm really excited about this new idea.  I've been playing guitar for a while, and Devon suggested we start a band."  Oz smiled as he sat down next to his Mom."  With him singing of course, and I think..."  
  
His dad interrupted.  "Would you shut up about music, and the band?!  I'm so sick of hearing you talk about music this and music that.  You are such a loser.  Don't you ever go out?!  Or have any friends?!"  
  
"Well...I do sometimes...but I like having my space.  Doing things on my own time."  
  
He looked to help from his mother, and she stepped in.  "You're never going to make it anywhere in life."  Oz closed his mouth and stayed silent taking it all in.  Maybe he was a loser.  He'd heard it enough he was starting to believe it.  
  
He just broke, and stood up.  "I have friends, just because I don't hang out with them after school, doesn't mean they don't exist.  Why can't you just leave me alone with what I like to do?  I mean I wasn't taking to you, I was talking to Mom."  
  
He regretted the words the instant they left his mouth.  His father stood up, and hit him across the face.  Oz fell and hit the wall.  "Who do you think you are, you smart mouthing child?  You DO NOT talk to me that way!  One day you are going to make me so mad, I might have to beat you to death."  
  
Oz receded into the corner of the wall.  But the last sentence his father had said triggered something in him, and he had to speak.  He stared his father straight in the eyes.  "And if you do that.  I'll make sure you go to jail."  
  
That was the last straw, his father cracked beyond repair.  He stormed up the stairs, and Oz knew where he was heading.  He had to hide somewhere.  There had to be somewhere to go.  He went to the opposite side of the house from the stairs.  
  
"Mom, please help me,"  he begged.  
  
His Mom shook her head.  "I'm not helping you."  
  
Oz knew there was no where to hide, he just bended over in the far corner of the room, and waited.  Seconds passed by that seemed like hours.  Then, finally he felt something sting on his back, and he could feel it again, and again.  He tried to shut himself off, go out of body.  Anything.  Then, finally he realized there was no more pain, only numbness.  He ran upstairs and into his room, hoping to get out of the thickness of sorrow that was in the room.  He ran into his room, and collapsed on the bed.  
  
He broke into tears.  "Where are you?!  Where are you when I need you the most?!"  He screamed in his mind.  "I need someone to love me, where are you?!"  
  
Oz cried, and then he just lay there, a zombie.  In his isolation he could hear everything.  He felt that if an ant died outside his window, he would hear it.  But something else caught his attention.  A gentle laughter rose up the stairs, around the corner, and into his room.  It was taunting him.  His parents were laughing about something on television.  They had no clue at the absolute horrible pain they had just caused him.  To them it was a memory of already a distant past.  To him it was a memory for always.  
  
Moments later his father came in, and gave him a soft kiss on the head good night.  He was sure that to any other child, they would have felt loved, but he felt betrayed.  Oz cried himself to sleep.  
  
******  
  
"So, have you decided?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you decided?  Do you want to join the band?"  
  
"No, I can't."  Oz started to walk away.  He had other things on his mind.  
  
Devon protested.  "But yesterday you said you were almost sure you were going to say yes."  
  
Oz stopped, for a second and had an idea.  This would give him something to do, a reason to stay out of his house.  "Okay, I'm in."  
  
"Great."  
  
"So, what do you think the name for the band should be?"  
  
Oz thought about some movies, television shows, but the only thing that would refuse to leave his mind was his parents, and a documentary he had watched in biology class today for the last day of school.  Something about the animals of Australia.  The only part he could really remember was the hungry look of two dingoes that had eaten a baby.  His parents had eaten his childhood, and he had to grow up fast.  
  
"How about Dingoes Ate My Baby."  
  
Devon smiled.  "I like it."  
  
******  
  
Being with the band had fatefully led him to the love of his life, Willow.  And for a while he was completely happy.  He had found the person he called out to that one-day freshman year.  But then she had left him...  He felt like he was cursed.  Everyone he had ever opened up to and loved, had eventually turned their back on him.  There was nothing in the world for him.  He felt alone without love.  
  
THE END  
  
Comments?  Feedback?  
  
MANA  
  
  


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